Let me be straight with you. Romance scams are not something that happens to other people the gullible ones, the lonely ones, the ones who should have “known better.” That framing is not just wrong, it’s dangerous, because it stops people from protecting themselves and stops victims from coming forward. This blog post will help you avoid Online Dating and Romance Scams
The reality is sobering. According to data from the City of London Police, British people lost more than £106 million to romance fraud in the 2024/25 financial year an 18% jump on the year before. Nearly 9,500 cases were reported. The average loss per victim was over £11,000. And those are just the reported cases. Experts believe the true figure is significantly higher, because shame and stigma keep many victims silent. The Crime Survey of England and Wales estimates that only around 13% of fraud cases ever get reported to Action Fraud or the police.
So if you’ve found your way to this article because you’ve started talking to someone online and something feels slightly off trust that instinct. And if you’re just here to stay informed, that’s smart too. Either way, keep reading.
What Actually Is a Romance Scam?
A romance scam, sometimes called dating fraud, is when someone creates a fake persona online and uses it to build a romantic relationship with their target not because they’re interested in love, but because they’re after money, personal information, or both.
The playbook varies, but the structure is fairly consistent. The scammer invests time, sometimes weeks or months, building genuine-feeling emotional intimacy. They learn what you care about, what’s missing from your life, what would make you trust someone. And then, once that foundation exists, they start pulling at it.
The money request might come dressed up as a medical emergency, a business opportunity gone wrong, a visa application that needs funding, or a plane ticket to finally come and meet you in person. The story always sounds just plausible enough. The emotional investment you’ve made by that point makes it very hard to say no.
What makes this particularly hard to talk about is that the emotional experience for the victim is real. The feelings are real. The conversations were real. The relationship felt real. It’s only the other person who wasn’t.
Who Gets Targeted? (Probably Not Who You Think)
There’s a persistent image of the romance scam victim as an older woman, perhaps recently widowed, using a dating site for the first time. That image needs updating badly.
Data from Which? and Action Fraud shows that in 2024, men aged 20–29 were actually the most common group to report romance fraud. The second largest group was women aged 50–59. And while more men report fraud overall, female victims tend to lose larger sums partly because fraudsters tend to maintain contact with women for longer periods of time before the money requests come in.
The 50–59 age bracket experiences the highest total financial losses, which the City of London Police attribute to that age group typically having more accumulated wealth and being more likely to be going through life changes like divorce or bereavement that leave them open to connection.
But here’s what the data really says when you stand back from it: romance fraud affects everyone. There are reported victims under 10 and over 90. There are men and women in roughly equal numbers. There are victims who are financially savvy, professionally accomplished, and absolutely the last person their friends would expect.
The tactics these criminals use are genuinely sophisticated. Many of the people running these operations are themselves victims of human trafficking, forced to work in scam compounds in southeast Asia. The City of London Police has flagged the growing overlap between romance fraud and fake investment schemes the so-called “pig butchering” scams, where the long-term goal is to get you to invest money in a fraudulent crypto platform.
None of this is a small-time con. It’s an industry.
The Warning Signs And Why They’re Easy to Miss
Scammers do certain things consistently enough that there are recognisable patterns. The problem is that in the early stages of what feels like a real connection, these behaviours can all feel entirely innocent.
They push to move off the platform quickly
If you’ve connected on a dating app or website, a genuine person has no particular reason to rush you off that platform. A scammer does once you’re communicating by WhatsApp or Telegram or email, there’s no record on the platform, no reporting mechanism, no oversight. They’ll often say something like “I don’t use this app much” or “it’s easier to message me on here.”
Stay on the platform until you’ve had a video call and, ideally, an in-person meeting. The City of London Police advises that if you meet someone via a dating app, you should stay within the messaging function of the application until you have established the person is who they claim to be.
The profile photos don’t quite add up
Scammers typically use stolen profile pictures. These might be images taken from a model’s Instagram account, a stock photo website, or a random person’s social media profile that’s set to public. A quick reverse image search can catch this out.
To do a reverse image search on Google, go to images.google.com and drag the photo into the search box, or right-click and select “Search image with Google.” If the photo shows up attached to a different name on multiple websites, that’s your answer. You can also use TinEye for the same purpose it’s free and works well.
Their story has impressive credentials but tells you nothing real
A common profile archetype is the highly successful professional a surgeon working abroad, an oil rig engineer, a military officer on deployment, a widowed architect raising children alone. These backstories tend to be designed to be appealing and also to explain why meeting in person is perpetually difficult.
Pay attention to whether the details of their life feel internally consistent over time. Scammers are working across multiple targets simultaneously and sometimes let details slip or contradict earlier versions of the story.
The emotional intensity arrives very fast
This is sometimes called “love bombing.” Within days or even hours, the conversations are deeply intimate. They’re talking about your future together. They use pet names early on. They tell you they’ve never felt this way before. They might say things like “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
Real relationships build gradually. When the emotional temperature rises at an unnatural pace, it’s worth pausing. The reason scammers accelerate this process is straightforward they need to create enough emotional investment that when the money request eventually comes, the relationship itself feels worth protecting.
They always have an excuse for not video calling
A broken camera, terrible internet connection, being in a remote location, their phone acting up the excuses are always plausible and always consistent. For many victims, weeks or months pass without ever seeing the other person’s face moving in real time.
A video call is one of the simplest ways to establish that someone is who they say they are. If someone persistently avoids this, that is a serious red flag.
Something comes up every time you’re about to meet
The trip to come and see you has been planned multiple times. And multiple times, something has happened at the last minute a family emergency, a work crisis, an issue with flights or travel documents, a sudden illness. Each cancellation comes with an explanation that sounds plausible in isolation but builds into a pattern that doesn’t.
They start talking about money but carefully at first
The money request rarely comes out of nowhere. There are usually earlier signals mentioning financial difficulties in passing, talking about a business deal that’s almost come through, hinting at a crisis that hasn’t fully developed yet. Scammers test the water before making a direct ask.
When the direct ask does come, it typically falls into a few categories: a medical emergency, travel costs to come and visit you, a business investment that needs short-term funding, a package or customs fee to release something valuable they’re sending you, or legal costs. The common thread is urgency and an emotional hook.
Action Fraud is clear on this point: no matter how long you’ve been speaking to someone online, and no matter how much you trust them, you should never send money to someone you haven’t met in person.
The More Sophisticated Variants You Should Know About
Pig butchering scams
This is a longer-term con that often starts as a romance scam but eventually pivots to investment fraud. The scammer builds a deep, long-running relationship, and then at some point introduces the idea of a investment opportunity usually cryptocurrency that’s made them a lot of money.
They’ll show you their portfolio, which of course shows impressive returns. They’ll help you set up an account on what looks like a legitimate trading platform. You’ll see your “investments” grow. And then one day you’ll try to withdraw and discover the platform is fake, the profits were fictional, and the money you put in is gone.
Global losses to pig butchering scams rose 40% in 2024, according to blockchain analytics firm Chainalysis. The City of London Police has flagged this as a growing threat affecting younger victims in particular, especially those aged 30–39.
Sextortion and blackmail
Some scammers’ end goal isn’t money transferred by the victim willingly it’s leverage. They encourage the exchange of intimate photos or videos, either through direct requests or by initiating this themselves, and then use the material to extort money under threat of sending it to the victim’s family, friends, or employer.
The National Crime Agency (NCA) has published guidance on this. If you find yourself in this situation, the advice is to stop contact, not pay payment rarely ends the demands and report to Action Fraud immediately.
Fake military or aid worker personas
The soldier or peacekeeping officer who’s deployed overseas is one of the most persistent romance scam archetypes. The military setting explains why they can’t video call clearly, why they can’t meet, and why they might have unusual financial needs (supposedly the military restricts their account access while deployed, for example which is not true).
If someone claims to be in the military, CIVVIE STREET and other veterans’ support organisations have highlighted how these impersonations work. You can check the details of military ranks and units, and no legitimate military personnel would ever ask you to send money.
How Scammers Build Trust So Effectively
Understanding the psychology of these scams helps you recognise them. These aren’t hastily improvised cons they follow deliberate patterns that have been refined across thousands of victims.
They create a sense of specialness. They tell you that you’re different from other people they’ve talked to online. They share things they claim they’ve never told anyone else. The intimacy feels rare and meaningful.
They use the principle of reciprocity. They give emotional availability, constant attention, apparent vulnerability, small gifts before they ask. By the time the request comes, the dynamic is one where you feel there’s an imbalance to redress.
They isolate gradually. Over time, they subtly encourage you to pull back from the people in your life who might raise doubts. They might suggest your friends don’t understand the relationship, or create small reasons for you to confide in them rather than others. The City of London Police explicitly warns about this: “Fraudsters will subtly isolate you for their own purposes.”
They manage the pacing. They never rush. In nearly a third of reported cases, the fraudster spent more than a year communicating with the victim before the relationship concluded, according to City of London Police data. The patience these operations demonstrate is part of what makes them so effective.
Practical Steps to Protect Yourself
Verify before you invest emotionally
Before you’ve had a substantial number of conversations with someone and certainly before you feel a strong attachment do some basic checks.
Reverse image search their profile photos as described above. Look them up on LinkedIn if they claim to work in a professional capacity. Search their name alongside the company they claim to work for. If they’ve mentioned going to a specific university or working on a specific project, see if those details hold up to a basic search.
None of this has to be confrontational. It’s just being reasonably careful, the same way you’d look up a tradesperson before letting them into your house.
Use video calls early
Propose a video call earlier than feels natural. A genuine person will be perfectly happy to do this. You’re not being suspicious you’re just putting a real face to the conversation. Pay attention to whether they look the way their photos suggest, and whether the call has an oddly patchy or glitchy quality that might suggest a real-time face filter is being used.
Some sophisticated scammers now use deepfake technology, so a video call isn’t a guarantee. But it does screen out the most basic impersonations.
Keep personal information protected
Beyond the obvious don’t share your address, bank details, or passwords be thoughtful about what you share about your life, routines, financial circumstances, and vulnerabilities. Scammers are gathering information throughout the relationship that they can use to make their requests more targeted, or sell on to other criminals.
This applies to usernames too. Equifax UK points out that something as simple as a username that includes your location “JaneFromLeeds,” for example gives away information you don’t necessarily want a stranger to have.
Tell someone
Thirty percent of Britons say they would not tell friends or family if they were in an online relationship, according to Barclays research. A similar proportion say they wouldn’t tell anyone if they became a victim.
This silence is exactly what scammers rely on. Talk to someone you trust about an online relationship, especially if it’s developed quickly or if you’ve never met in person. The outside perspective of someone who isn’t emotionally invested in the relationship can be valuable beyond measure.
Friends and family aren’t trying to rain on your parade they’re likely to spot things that are harder to see when you’re inside the situation.
Never send money in any form
This deserves its own section because it bears repeating clearly. Do not send money to someone you’ve only met online, regardless of how genuine they seem, how long you’ve been speaking, or how urgent or compelling the situation they’re describing sounds.
This applies to bank transfers, PayPal, gift cards (scammers sometimes request payment in Amazon or iTunes gift cards, which are difficult to trace), cryptocurrency, wire transfers, or any other mechanism. If someone you’ve met online asks you to receive money on their behalf and forward it elsewhere, that is also a scam you would be acting as a money mule, which is a criminal offence.
Use trusted platforms and stay on them
Reputable dating websites have reporting mechanisms and fraud teams. If someone asks you to move the conversation to a private channel early in the relationship, that’s a warning sign. The reason they want to move off the platform is so the platform’s systems can’t flag suspicious behaviour patterns.
UK dating platform Hinge publishes a safety guide. Match Group, which runs Tinder, Match, and others, has safety resources too. Familiarise yourself with the reporting tools on whatever platform you’re using.
If You Think You’re Being Scammed Or Already Have Been
Stop contact
If warning signs are crystallising into something you can no longer ignore, stop contact. Block the person on all platforms. This is hard if you’ve developed feelings that’s exactly the point. But continuing to engage gives them more opportunities to push the situation further.
Don’t send more money
If you’ve already sent money and they come back asking for more perhaps to “release” the first payment, sort out a complication, or finalise plans do not send it. The requests will keep coming as long as you keep responding.
Contact your bank immediately
If you’ve made a bank transfer, call your bank as soon as possible. Under the Authorised Push Payment (APP) fraud reimbursement scheme, which became mandatory from October 2024 and applies to all firms offering Faster Payments, you may be eligible for reimbursement of up to £85,000. Speed matters the sooner you report, the more likely your bank may be able to intervene before the money is moved on.
Note that this protection only covers transfers to UK accounts. International transfers fall outside the scheme.
Report to Action Fraud
Report the scam to Action Fraud online or by calling 0300 123 2040. If you’re in Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101, or reach Advice Direct Scotland on 0808 164 6000.
Reporting matters even if you feel nothing will come of it. Each report adds to a database that helps investigators identify patterns, link cases, and take action against fraud operations. You may be one of dozens of victims of the same scammer your report might be what connects the picture.
Report the profile
Contact the platform where you met the person and report the account. Dating sites and social media platforms have mechanisms for this. Getting the profile removed protects other potential victims.
Get emotional support
This is genuinely important and often overlooked. The aftermath of a romance scam includes not just financial loss but grief, shame, confusion, and often a degree of trauma. The relationship you experienced was real in your mind, even if the other person wasn’t who they claimed to be. Processing that requires more than just anger at having been deceived.
Victim Support offers free, confidential support on a 24/7 helpline: 08 08 16 89 111. There is also a live chat service on their website. The Fraud Advisory Panel provides guidance for fraud victims. Citizens Advice can help you understand your rights and the steps available to you.
Please don’t let the shame keep you silent. As Detective Superintendent Oliver Little of the City of London Police put it directly: criminals use sophisticated tactics to manipulate emotions and gain trust, making anyone vulnerable. The failure here belongs entirely to the fraudster.
The Question of AI and Deepfakes
This section matters because the landscape is changing fast. The same technology that’s being used to generate convincing text conversations, realistic-looking profile photos, and even deepfake video calls is becoming more accessible to fraudsters every year.
A few things to be aware of:
AI-generated profile photos are increasingly hard to distinguish from real ones. Look for tell-tale signs slightly unusual ears, teeth, or backgrounds; hair that behaves oddly at the edges; fingers that don’t look quite right. Tools like FotoForensics can sometimes identify manipulated images, though they’re not infallible.
AI-generated conversation means that the person you’re talking to may not even be typing their own messages. The warmth, attentiveness, and apparent understanding in the conversation may be generated by a language model. This doesn’t change the practical advice verify, video call, don’t send money but it does help explain why these scams have become harder to spot.
Deepfake video calls are now a genuine threat. They have been used in business fraud to impersonate executives. Their use in romance fraud is growing. If a video call seems slightly laggy in a way that doesn’t match the audio, if the person’s face seems oddly smooth or their expressions seem limited, if they won’t move to a specific light or turn their head be alert.
The National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC) has published guidance on deepfakes and how to spot them.
Keeping Yourself Safe on Dating Apps Specifically
Most people understand at an intellectual level that dating apps carry some risk. In practice, it’s easy to get comfortable quickly, especially if you’ve been using a platform for a while and have had good experiences.
A few habits that are worth building:
Use the app’s messaging system until you’ve met. Once you move to WhatsApp or Telegram, the app’s fraud detection can no longer flag patterns in the conversation.
Be thoughtful about your profile. You don’t need to include your employer, your postcode, or the gym you go to. These details are nice to have for someone you eventually meet in person they don’t need to be on a public profile.
Check the app’s safety features. Many platforms now include ID verification options, photo verification, or the ability to do a background check on matches. Tinder, for example, has partnered with Garbo to offer background checks. Hinge has a “Are you sure?” feature that flags potentially harmful messages. Using these tools is worth the modest inconvenience.
Be careful with early photo sharing. Intimate photos shared early in a relationship can be used for blackmail. This is not a reason to never share photos, but the threshold should be higher than it might be with someone you’ve already met in person and whose character you have some sense of.
What the Government and Regulators Are Doing
Awareness is growing at the institutional level. The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) published a review in late 2025 examining how banks are handling romance fraud cases, and found that while some firms were doing impressive work to support and protect customers, there were also consistent missed opportunities transactions that should have triggered a query, staff who weren’t trained to probe suspicious explanations, systems that weren’t calibrated to catch the patterns.
The FCA review included a case where a victim lost more than £428,000 without any effective intervention from their bank. That’s not a regulatory footnote that’s a serious systemic failure.
The Online Safety Act 2023 creates new obligations on tech platforms to tackle fraud, including romance fraud. Ofcom, which is responsible for enforcing the Act, has the power to fine platforms that fail to manage illegal content. How effectively this translates into practical improvement on dating apps and social media platforms remains to be seen.
The Authorised Push Payment reimbursement scheme, which came into effect in October 2024, is a significant practical protection. Banks must now reimburse victims of APP fraud which includes romance fraud involving bank transfers up to £85,000. Previously, banks had discretion over whether to reimburse and often declined.
The most powerful thing romance scammers rely on, beyond their initial tactics, is the silence that follows. The shame that stops people from telling their family, reporting to the police, or seeking support. The fear of being judged for having been deceived.
That silence protects the perpetrators and leaves victims isolated. It means many cases go unreported, which means less intelligence for law enforcement and less pressure on platforms to take the problem seriously.
If you’ve been targeted whether you lost money or not you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were deceived by professionals who do this full time, often using technology and psychology specifically designed to neutralise your instincts. The fact that it happened to you says nothing about your intelligence, your judgment, or your worth.
Talk to someone. Report what happened. And if you know someone who might be in the middle of a situation that seems off, find a way to gently open that conversation rather than waiting.
Useful Links and Resources
- Report fraud: Action Fraud online or 0300 123 2040
- In Scotland: Police Scotland on 101 or Advice Direct Scotland on 0808 164 6000
- Emotional support for fraud victims: Victim Support 24/7 helpline 08 08 16 89 111
- Consumer rights and next steps: Citizens Advice
- FCA romance fraud review: fca.org.uk
- APP fraud reimbursement scheme: Payment Systems Regulator
- National Cyber Security Centre guidance: ncsc.gov.uk
- Reverse image search: Google Images or TinEye
- Which? romance fraud guide: which.co.uk
- National Crime Agency: nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk
- City of London Police romance fraud guidance: cityoflondon.police.uk